Nearly a decade ago…
Tom Waits (patiently).
My head says I was ready, my heart heard different…
I hate the way your voice echoes in my ears still.
She says you always smell like cigarettes
and there, there’s always whiskey on your breath
But you’re the best that I can
And I, I think I love you
"Used to be I’d get that voice in my head that I’d surpess constantly, always whispering ‘wrist meet razor’ or ‘jump in front of traffic or something similar…something you’d ignore and tell yourself it’s nothing more than intrusive unwanted thoughts.
Nowadays seems the only voice from the caverns of my consciousness that echoes at all says ‘Go outside, theres a wealth of a world to live in, experience and grow’ and I can’t help but shake my head,as tears roll down my cheeks, stare at razor blades and just whimper ‘No!’.”
The hell of decaff coffee,
and alcohol free beer.
There are very few people I hate, very few indeed.
I’ll happily admit there are a number of people right now who I am avoiding because I am mighty pissed at them for one reason or another - I don’t hate them, but I do harbour grudges and it will take some effort on their part to get back into my good graces.
Also a number of people, as mentioned previously, have had to be cut out from my life for being a toxic or negative impact on me, triggering characteristics, bad vibes et cetera. This is I won’t hesitate to point out a theme that will continue running for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately my sobriety, or attempts at it, are more important than maintaining friendships that have grown unhealthy or harmful. This may sound selfish as shit but I would point out exhibit a) Myself…that nothing is more selfish than addict…besides which in this instance I feel I should point out that if my health is at risk from their presence then I can do without them.
There are other people still, who I bear no ill will to at all or nor who have annoyed me in any fashion that I can think of I have just not been in contact with of late - to you guys I apologise I will resume normal service as soon as possible.
— Even Drunk Off My Ass, You Always Come First (#508: May 11, 2014)
You stood me up.
On my birthday in London
Way to cement my doubts.
Your lungs throughout
No burden of effacity
A dawn of infinite chance
Exhalations in orbit
How bold the space farer on
The borders of each possibility
Lydia - Sleep Well
Darling, you fucked up.
I appreciate I don’t know many of you personally but I’m reopening my other blog
Please feel free to go take a read and contribute if you want…I find it a useful if occasionally triggering and painful method or tool for recovery, I normally wait a coupla months into sobriety before using it but half measures get half results…I don’t like the AA but some of you may recognise this as a twisted version of one of their steps.
Anyway like I say, advice, insults, critiques, Fanboying and general Hemingway/Kerouac comparisions welcome.